I didn't blog last night because I was just beat. And it has occurred to me that I am still carrying around a lot of stress. Mom is doing so much better. But my life will never be like it was before her diagnosis. And even though I feel better than I did 3 weeks ago when I was back and forth to the hospital, my body is making it obvious that I'm still carrying a lot of extra weight around.
So, I'm trying to be a little more gentle with myself. I've never been good at resting and relaxing...but I'm working on it. It's just that life still goes on. I still have kids to raise and a stressful job and bills to pay, etc. But, always, in the back of my mind is the reality that my mom has cancer and is dying.
And my body is reminding me. I have to learn to listen to it a little better.
Mom and dad hit the casino yesterday. They ate at the new restaurant and dad gambled a little. I love hearing all that! This morning when I called, dad was in good spirits. He said everything has been great. There is a Hospice volunteer who is set up to stay with mom every Friday morning so dad can go to Kiwanis.
Things are different now, but falling into place. And we all just keep living until this cancer really takes hold. I'm trying to "enjoy" this time as much as possible knowing that sometime in the coming weeks or months, there will be a down turn. I'm trying to prepare for it, but not focus on it. It's an odd place to be.
It's Mother's Day weekend. This will be my last Mother's Day with my mom. But she's doing so well right now, I just want to focus on this one. And enjoy it. And have fond memories to look back on next year.
And in less than 2 weeks, I'll have new nephew. There is joy to be had right now. That's the world I want to live in for a while. It's been 50 days. Within those 50 days have been the hardest days of my life. I know there is more to come, but I'm going to live in the good days right now. And experience every little good moment that I can.
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