Day 39: Welcome back exhaustion...

Well, I guess one day is better than none. The exhaustion is back today and bigger and better than before. :-O

I think a good portion of my exhaustion comes from my commute. I have never been a fan of driving in heavy traffic and have done it a LOT in the past couple of weeks. I tend to drive very white knuckled and shoulders all tensed up. I suppose adding that on top of a body that is already pretty emotionally wiped out is a good recipe for exhaustion.

I got up this morning more wiped out than I had anticipated after a good day yesterday. But I was determined to work out and I did. It felt good. Then things just got crazy from there.

I got ready for my day and called dad to find out how things were going with mom. They were trying to figure out when they could get mom's stomach drained. There was some confusion with Hospice and so I just decided to call them and see what I could figure out. They have always been incredibly helpful and told me that they would get back to dad before 1:30pm (it was about 11:15am at this point). I kind of thought that mom's stomach wouldn't be able to be drained today, but was hoping something would change.

Well, about 25 minutes later, dad called to tell me that mom had an appointment at 1pm for some blood work and at 2:15 to have her stomach drained. I told him that I'd head up there and hopefully make it by 1pm.

I got the boys in the car and threw in some snacks since I hadn't fed them lunch yet and we headed up north. I arrived at the hospital at 1pm, but after parking and making our way from the parking garage it was about 1:10pm before we made it to Radiology. Mom and dad were still in the waiting area. Turns out mom didn't need the blood work (I was a little confused on that anyway) so we all got there early for no reason. But the admitting people did say that they thought mom might be able to get in before 2:15pm.

I don't remember what time they called her back, but it was before 2:15. Dad stayed in the waiting area with my boys and I headed back with mom. She was using her walker to get around but doing just fine with it.

The procedure started quickly, although, against mom's wishes, I did ask them to take her blood pressure. Mom was not pleased with me because she didn't want to be limited on how much fluid could be drained. But I didn't want her to have to be admitted to the hospital again either. I didn't think her blood pressure was going to be a problem, but I knew I had to ask because if something had happened, I would have never forgiven myself.

As it turns out, mom's blood pressure is back up. Her first reading was something like 192/106. A far cry from 49/27! So, we all agreed that draining her fluid might just help with bringing down her blood pressure too!

The procedure started as usual and the deal was to just let her stomach drain as much as it wanted to. Turns out today it REALLY wanted to drain and mom had 6 liters removed from her abdomen. Can you even imagine someone taking out 6 liters from your abdomen?! That's the most I've seen them remove thus far. And actually the physicians assistant decided to stop at 6 just because that was a lot of fluid to remove. They probably could have gotten more. Mom looked tiny when she was done. Her last blood pressure reading was lower but not by much. This whole situation has been so interesting with the way her blood pressure and blood sugars have gone up and down.

After the procedure was done, we had mom walk out with her walker but she wasn't very stable and so we ended up having her sit in a wheel chair just to let her body adjust for a bit. We met dad and the boys in the waiting area and dad went out to get the car while the boys and I waited with mom. About 10 minutes later, I wheeled mom out to the car and mom and dad were on their way home.

I took the boys to the cafeteria and got them lunch and then we headed back home during rush hour traffic, but thankfully didn't hit too much heavy traffic that held us back.

I called dad when I got home around 5pm and he said that he and mom had stopped at the grocery store because mom thought hot dogs sounded good. So, they picked up some hot dogs and Pepsi. When they got home mom brought in the hot dogs and dad brought in the Pepsi. Then they were getting ready to cook up the hot dogs and couldn't find them. It was so funny to hear dad explain all the places they looked like the bathroom cabinets and dresser drawers. I just pictured them looking everywhere for these hot dogs. They finally gave up and mom decided to have some soup. A few minutes later dad went into the fridge to get something and found the hot dogs behind a jar of juice. Apparently mom had put them behind the juice and neither of them could see them when they looked in the fridge. Not having any short term memory can be a big issue in situations like this. ;-) Anyway, we all got a good laugh out of it and hopefully will mom will still get a chance to enjoy a hot dog. I was just so glad that it sounded good to her. All she had eaten today had been raisins and half a Dove bar.

But the best news is that mom told dad that she felt better today than she has felt in the past 5 weeks. That was really wonderful to hear. And I just wish there was a way she could always feel like that. Hospice is still looking into the possibility of getting a permanent catheter put in mom's stomach so it can just be drained as needed at home. That would be a good thing so mom and dad wouldn't have to be going to the hospital all the time, but I suppose we don't want it to be too cumbersome right now either when mom is still able to get up and down and do some things on her own. So, we'll just see how that goes. If nothing else, I think we will make weekly appointments so she always knows it will be drained.

I could tell how much better she felt when we were leaving and it just felt good to see her smile. I hate watching her suffer. And although the trips up there are exhausting, I wouldn't have missed it today. I hope that God will continue to let my work schedule fall in between times that mom has these procedures so I can always be there.

I've also been receiving some very special e-mails from people about my mom. I'm hearing stories about my mom both as a kid and as an adult. I'm hearing stories about both my mom and dad. Stories that I've never heard before. These e-mails have been incredible gifts to me and, although I wish none of this was happening, I do truly treasure these stories and I hope they keep coming.

I am finding small gifts like these to be pieces that help me through my days and I treasure them. And I thank all of you who have been sending them.

And another thank you to all my incredible friends who have been continuing to check in on me and sending me their love and support.

This is truly the hardest time of my life. And yet, it is the time when I feel most surrounded by a lot of loving arms too. For that I am incredibly grateful. For as exhausted as I feel, all of you are holding me up and helping me through each day. I know of no other way to thank you than to simply say "Thank You" from the bottom of my heart. I will never be able to express what all of you have meant to me.

So, although it was busy, today was a good day, and I'll always take a good day like this...even with the exhaustion. :-)