Day 23: Distraction

Today was all about distraction for me. I taught a one day childbirth class and was at the birth center from 7am - 6pm. Then Olly and I went out to dinner to celebrate his birthday a little early. I'm just now getting home and settling in for the night.

I did talk to mom and dad today though. I don't always get the opportunity to talk to mom because she's either too tired or sleeping, but tonight she sounded pretty good. She still can't eat much of anything. She says she's down to ice cream now. I told her there could be worse things. ;-) She's still incredibly tired too.

Dad told me that last night the nurse from the cancer center called to tell them that the doctor had prescribed a one time pill to bring mom's Potassium level back up. Dad called in the prescription to Costco and then got a call from Costco to tell him that to fill the prescription would be over $300!!! Turns out it's a very rare medication and not too many places stock it, so Costco would have had to buy an entire case and would have had to charge dad for it. So, he called the 24 hour line at the cancer center and they told him to try and fill it closer to the hospital. He asked if mom needed the medication this weekend and was told it was okay to wait a few days, so he's going to try and fill it at the hospital pharmacy on Monday. Craziness! My dad is working sooooo hard for mom!

We're headed up for Easter tomorrow. Poor little Gus has a cough and so Michael and Kiersten are trying to figure out if they can bring him or not. They want Gus to see mom, but they also don't want to make her sick. It's all such a hard situation right now! Everything is so different. Things we never had to consider before are now top considerations.

And even with all the distractions today, I find my mom permeates all my thoughts. I'll be teaching something I've taught over and over and she'll pop into my head. Driving to work early this morning, I was passing all the cherry blossoms in bloom and burst into tears because I was wondering if my mom would ever see another cherry blossom blooming season. I look at everything that way now. If I'm to find the positive in that, it is that I now see the world through different eyes and that is a good thing. But I want mom to see the world. I want her to see everything for a long time to come.

I want to believe this won't be mom's last Easter. I want to believe that next year, I'll still be blogging and be on blog #388 and joking about how we were worried that this year would be mom's last Easter. I really want to believe all that. But I worry that's being too overly optimistic.

Right now I just need to take each day, each holiday, each family celebration one at a time. I turn 40 in 19 days. I was really looking forward to a big birthday celebration this year. I've been looking forward to 40. But now I just want my mom to be around to see it. That's simply all I want. 40 years ago, she gave birth to me and her whole world turned upside down. 40 years later, I'm facing losing her and mine is turning upside down now.

But for now I'll try to focus on tomorrow and Easter with the family. Doesn't look like any of the grandkids will be there which is kind of sad. But at the same time, it will probably be a quieter day for mom as well. It will be good for all of us to be together. It's been a long time. Too long.

I wish you all a wonderful Easter holiday surrounded by those you love!