Day 14 & 15 - Chemo

Yesterday was a busy day, which was probably a good thing. It keep my mind off how today was going to go. I started a new childbirth class. I felt a bit off my game. Thankfully I've been doing this for enough years that I can fly on auto pilot. A couple of people who have heard me teach before were at the Birth Center and told me that I sounded just like my old self. So, maybe it's just me being kind of hard on myself.

Anyway...I got home late...was tired and knew I had an early day today, so just didn't get around to blogging.

But today was important and definitely needs some decompressing.

My mom started chemo today.

That feels weird to say.

It seemed almost surreal as we were going through it. It wasn't really what I envisioned. The Everett Cancer Center is really quite beautiful and it wasn't a line up of people receiving chemo like I'd pictured. Mom, dad and I had a little area all to ourselves.

I had called last night to find out how long the chemo process might take. I was told 6 hours. That shocked me. For some reason I was picturing just a couple of hours. So, I was fully prepared for a long day today.

I was up at 4:30am. I got the boys up at 5:45am. They hopped right out of bed. We headed out around 6:15am, I stopped at Starbucks, then arrived at Julie's around 6:35am. I have to say a public THANK YOU to Julie again. I love you Julie! You have been a life saver this week! :-) I was back on the road at 6:45am only to hear of snow in Everett on the radio! But after a little rain/snow mix south of Seattle, the rest of my drive was clear. I could see the snow on the trees as I came into Everett, but that was about it. I arrived at the cancer center at 8:20am. Mom and dad arrived around 8:35am. And we began our trek into chemo...

Mom checked in at the desk and right at 8:45am, they called her back to meet with the nurse. She accessed mom's port and drew some blood. That was an interesting process to see done for the first time. Then we met with mom's doctor who is one straight-forward man. He was very concerned about mom's stomach. It is very large again, filling with fluid. She has gained 9 pounds since Tuesday! However, he wanted to avoid draining it if at all possible because apparently the cells regenerate faster if the fluid is drained. So, the hope is that the chemo will help reduce it.

The doctor also pulled up the scan of mom's abdomen. He showed us another mass that was found. He's perplexed by it and isn't quite sure what it is. It seems to be near or around her bowels. He said that he may want do a needle biopsy of it, but didn't want to do it today. Mom's ankles are swelling too and he took a look at that. He did confirm that no cancer was found on the MRI of mom's brain. I asked him if we would ever know what kind of cancer we were looking at here and he shook his head and said No. He said that in about 5% of cancer cases, there is no diagnosis. That is incredibly frustrating for me (and I'm sure mom and dad too).

We talked to the doctor about mom's diabetic episodes. He told her that the steroids he was going to be giving her will actually spike her blood sugar, which might be a good thing for her right now, but wants her to check in with her primary care doctor again to discuss this. Mom and dad did see mom's primary care doctor yesterday, but it looks like they'll need to make another appointment. He also changed one of her blood pressure medications and her chemo schedule from 3 weeks on, 1 week off to 2 weeks on, 1 week off. I believe he's a little concerned about how mom's body is going to handle the chemo, so wants to start off with a little less chemo before giving her some time off.

He then sent us back over for the chemo to begin. Mom got her pre-meds and then at 10:25am, the chemo began. Mom's nurse, Kim, said that the Taxol would take about 2 1/2 hours and then her 2nd medication (which I can't spell) would take about 45 minutes. One of mom's pre-meds was some Benadryl which made her pretty sleepy. Mom's doctor came over and checked in to give mom the results of her blood work. Apparently she is anemic and the biggee is that her kidneys are only working at about 25%. This is a concern. It will be monitored each week. That was a little more bad news for mom, but I think the sleepiness was good at this point.

After about an hour of mom getting medication, dad and I decided to let mom sleep and we went down to the little cafe downstairs and got lunch and chatted for a while. Dad educated the young girl (Is it sad that I think 19 is a young girl? ;-) behind the counter about Catholics and Lent and how not eating meat on Friday came to be. I think she got more than she bargained for when she asked him why he said he couldn't eat meat today. :-)

It's been nice to have a little time with just me and dad. We talked a little about mom and what it was like when she got her diagnosis. We talked a bit about how much things have changed since his diagnosis of Parkinson's and how much better he is doing.

Throughout this entire process, I was texting back and forth with one of my colleagues about a client who was going through a difficult time of her own. I felt kind of pulled in 2 different directions, but my priority today was my mom. I handled my client on the way home and this evening. Having a job where I take care of people is a little difficult when I'm trying to take care of my mom. It's a balancing act that I still am learning I suppose. I do have to say a big Thank You to my Aunt Linda who sent me a very sweet e-mail. I checked my e-mail from my phone and read it while I was sitting with dad at lunch. She was wishing me well today and sent me a note to put on my fridge to read when I think I "have to be all and do all" (who me???? ;-)). It says "Dear Kelli, I won't need your help today. Love, God" I cried when I read it on my phone. I teared up when I read it to my dad. I am crying as I type it here. There couldn't really be a more perfect message for me. It will go on my fridge Aunt Linda. And I will read it often. Thank you! You know me too well. :-)

After dad and I finished lunch...and dad finished talking with Michael who called to check in...we headed back upstairs. Mom was already on her 2nd medication and that ran very quickly and by 12:30pm she was done. The entire thing took just a little over 2 hours. Dad went down to make next week's appointment and mom's nurse flushed out her port, gave us discharge information and we were out the door by 12:45pm.

It still seems kind of surreal that it all happened today. I expected it to be more momentous, but it was pretty simple and seemed somewhat routine...even though it wasn't really routine for us yet.

So, now we wait to see how mom's body reacts to the chemo. She is to take one of her anti-nausea pills before bed tonight and then 3 a day for Saturday and Sunday. If, after that, she isn't nauseous, she doesn't need to take anymore. That's what I'm hoping for!

Next Friday, Michael is going to pick mom up and take her to her chemo while dad has an opportunity to go to his Kiwanis meeting and have a little break. He's working so hard taking care of mom, he needs some downtime too. I did find out from him today that he's had a little bit of time at the casino (and actually won some money!). I'm glad he's getting a little time away to just relax. He deserves that! He's kept everything together so well for mom. He's her memory right now. Hers is really bad. I did ask the doctor about that as well and he said that "it's normal for someone this sick". Ouch. But at least it was an answer. Anyway...dad is mom's memory. He is checking her blood sugar for her. He's driving her to and from all her appointments. He brings his file folder full of all her important information. He is filling her prescriptions for her. I am so impressed with him. But I want to make sure he's being taken care of as well.

So, round one of chemo is done.

This is a step one towards mom getting better. This is the start of our hope being fulfilled. The same hope I saw in so many other eyes today at the cancer center. I have had a couple of people tell me they can see some of my pain in my eyes when they look at me. That's what I saw when I looked at the people who were sitting with family members getting chemo today. And for the first time, I saw it in my own eyes when I looked in the mirror in the bathroom. I feel I've joined a club I didn't ask to join. A club I don't really want to be a part of. The membership dues are much too high for me. But yet, here I am. A card carrying number. (The parking permit for the cancer center sits in my car telling the world of my membership in this club.)

My mom started chemo today.

And the world is still turning.

Hope is alive and kicking.

Today my mom started to fight.

It is the fight of, and for, her life.

Come on chemo...do your job! Mom is fighting. Fight with her. We're all counting on, and rooting and praying for you and Mom to win!