The last couple of weeks have been hard on me. I would say on an average day that I am a pretty darn good mom. I think I've continued to be a darn good mom these past two weeks, but both my boys are very intuitive and they know a lot is on my mind. And although I am still very present in their every day lives, there is definitely a part of my brain that is always somewhere else.
I called mom today and she told me that she's doing pretty well. No nausea as of yet. Her stomach bloating is just really starting to bother her. But otherwise, no adverse reaction to the chemo.
So, today, I took advantage of a beautiful (finally!) Spring day and took Christopher (my 7yo) out for a Mommy/Christopher afternoon. It was much needed for both of us. Christopher is my meat lover and I'd been promising him a trip to a local burger joint for quite a while. So, today we made it there and he loved it (and I had a very nice gardenburger :-)). We then took the Tacoma streetcar into downtown and went to our favorite popcorn/candy store. He got to stock up on some of his favorites and then we rode the streetcar back. We were only out for about 3 hours, but it was well needed time for us. Jonathan (my 10yo) and I will do something similar soon, but Christopher REALLY needed this mom time. And honestly, I really needed some time to focus my energy somewhere else.
I got to see the world through my 7 year old today. And I love that world. There is so much wonder and interest. So many questions. So many revelations. All that in just a day of life. There is joy in coloring a picture and getting to put it up on the wall in the burger joint for all to see. In that 7 year old world, there is no cancer. Well, okay...maybe in this 7 year old's life, there is cancer, but it's different for a 7 year old. It's different than the cancer that is in my thoughts 24/7. And for a few hours, I got to live in that world. I had the opportunity to stop being angry for a while and see the good in the world and in other people. I felt part of the world again today. I felt like I had emerged from the little cocoon I had been keeping myself in for the past 2 weeks. And it felt good.
I hope to somehow hold on to what I was reminded of today as I continue to walk this path through cancer with my mom.
Today my sweet little boy gave me quite a gift. He doesn't even know it. But today he gave me smiles and joy and happiness and the gift of seeing the world through 7 year old eyes. And it was beautiful and exciting and full of hope. Now I just need to remember how to see through 7 year old eyes as often as I can. It's a wonderful view of the world. :-)
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