Day 35: More life lessons

How are you today? That's a question we all get on a daily basis when we're out and about. The cashier at the grocery store, the barista at the coffee shop, the mailman, the customer service person on the phone, etc...

What I have found over the past 5 weeks is that I no longer hear that question the same way. The reality is that most the people who ask you that question really don't want an answer. They expect you to say "I'm fine, how are you?" and then they give the standard, "I'm fine too" response or something like that. I understand it's a polite question. But so few of us really want a true answer when asking that question. I'd say that I've certainly been guilty of that myself in the past.

However, when people ask me that question now, I don't want to answer that I'm fine...because I'm not. I'm so far from fine or good that answering the question with a word like that just seems impossible. I've started answering that I'm "Okay". Because I guess I am. I'm getting up every morning. I'm going about my life. I'm okay.

Most of the time the response to that answer is the same response as if I'd said I was doing great. People don't really hear the answer. But I have had a couple of people say "Just okay?" and then I find myself saying, "Yeah...you don't really want to know the rest."

Our society is so strange. We're all so busy. We don't have time for personal interaction anymore. But we also have no ability to handle talking to people about tough subjects. We don't know how to respond if someone says, "I'm not too good today...I've been at the hospital all day with my mom." We say "I'm sorry", but then we turn away because we don't know what else to say.

As I've been dealing with these things for the past 5 weeks, I've started wondering what everyone is going through. At various times in our lives, we all go through tough times. I am, by no means, the only person who is losing her mother right now.

What is the cashier at the grocery store going through? The barista at the coffee shop? The mailman? The customer service person? They are all doing exactly what I am doing...going through the steps of their lives, but who knows what is really going on in their lives.

I will never again ask someone how they are doing and ignore, or not really hear, the answer. The few people who have asked questions and really wanted to know more about what I was going through have touched my heart. Complete strangers who made an effort to connect with another human being. Those moments will stay with me forever.

Life is not always easy. It is quite often a struggle. We all experience it. This entire life experience I'm going through now has taught me that there is always enough time to connect with another human being. That just a minute of our time can make a deep impact on someone.

So, off I go to teach class tonight. And tonight I will try not to do it as absently as I have felt lately. I will work harder to connect with each person in my class. I used to do that all the time, but have noticed in the last several weeks that I've been on autopilot more than I'd like to be.

And when I stop to get a coffee tonight, I'll ask the barista how he or she is doing...and I'll wait to hear the answer and provide a genuine response.

Life is too short to ignore anything or anyone.

And just a quick note on mom...I talked to dad last night and they had a good first night alone. I'll call again later tonight to see how the day went. I'm a little concerned about dad wearing himself out, but we'll take it one day at a time. I'm planning a trip up there tomorrow for a little bit and will probably go up again this weekend depending on how my clients are doing. I'm just still so grateful that she is home. I'd say I worry less, but I don't think I do. I wake up so exhausted every morning. I don't think I'm getting a restful night of sleep, but I'm so much more comfortable with her at home than at the hospital and that's a good thing! I'll take good things however I can get them. :-)