Days 80 - 82: Recovery

Welllllll...... life certainly has a way of throwing us curves. I was so excited to celebrate mom's birthday, but my body made other plans. Saturday morning I started to feel like my head cold was acting up. I picked one up two weeks ago and it wasn't bad, but seemed to linger. I thought it was strange that it was picking up again so I convinced myself I was just tired. I worked from 10am - 1pm at the birth center and then had an appt from 1:30 - 2:30pm. By the time I got home at 3pm I knew something more was happening. I was exhausted. So much so that I even considered buying mom's cake instead of making it, which just isn't me.

I managed to make mom's cake, but was in bed early. I woke up several times overnight and at 4am took my temperature which read 101.5. I knew then that I wasn't going to make it up to mom's. I was incredibly disappointed, but too sick to do anything about it.

Shortly after 9am I called mom to let her know. I was hoping she wouldn't change any other of the days plans because of me, but it turns out she called Aunt Judy and told her not to come as well which made me sad. But I just have to believe that we weren't all supposed to be there that day. Michael and Kiersten and their boys and Aunt Linda and Uncle Bill were there and Uncle Bill took a lot of pictures which I was so happy to receive.

As it turned out, I didn't get out of bed until 8pm. I was grateful to have Olly there to take care of me. I can't remember having a day like that in a very long time. It's so unusual for me to spend an entire day in bed, but my body made it clear that it wasn't going to do anything else.

I think mom had a good day though. Just not the day any of us were anticipating. We joked that we really just shouldn't plan birthday parties for her. The last big one, her 60th, was the last time I remember her being REALLY sick. I planned a huge suprise party for her and it turned out she could barely get out of bed. She toughed it out and went to the party, but it seems that making plans for her birthday don't always turn out the way they are planned. At least we could laugh about it all a little.

So, I told mom that my boys and I would come up and celebrate after my next two clients deliver. I have 2 clients due within the next week so can't stray too far from home. But then I have a bit of a break so will plan a trip up to see mom then.

I guess I'm doing a better job of letting stuff go. I understand that what will be, will be and I have to roll with it. Like it or not. I suppose that's progress...although it's taken me 40 years to get here!

I pulled out one of my favorite books this morning. It's called "Your Body's Telling You to Love Yourself". It discusses just about any physical or mental ailment you can think of and what the underlying causes of said ailments tend to be. Today I looked up several things since I'm not exactly sure what I have going on. I started with the Common Cold which said that a "cold will often manifest as a result of congestion on a mental level, especially when there's so much going on in your head that you don't know which way to turn." Hmmm.... Then I looked up Sinus issues which referred me back to Nose issues and nasal congestion. It then said that "air is the symbol of the life force and fundamental to life on a physical level, difficulty in taking in breath through the nose is directly linked with taking in life. You tend to cut yourself off on a sensory level for fear of feeling your own suffering or the suffering of someone you love." More hmmmm....Then I looked up Lungs which again talks about this organ being the primary life force and that the lungs carry the life force to every cell in the body. It says that "lung disorders of any kind are an indication that you are feeling depressed. There is an underlying sadness. There may be a fear of suffering or death or of seeing someone else suffer or die." All kind of interesting if you ask me. And much of it rings very true. The thing I love about this book is that it really makes you look deeper into your illness to try and find a root cause. I find that when I do that, I can work on the root cause and get better faster. I'm not sure how to fix all of the above, but I'm certainly acknowledging it right now and trying to figure out how to move forward.

So...right now I'm just in recovery mode. Trying to get well...finally after 2 1/2 weeks of not feeling so great. My next couple of weeks will be busy and then I'll hopefully have a little down time and have a chance to make another chocolate cake and celebrate mom's birthday with her...finally!