6 Months

How can it be half a year has gone by on this Earth without my mom? It's so hard to fathom.

People keep telling me it gets easier. I wish I knew when.

Maybe it has, I suppose, in some ways, but I don't feel like it's so much "easier" than just has become more usual that mom is gone. My brain knows she is gone. I don't wake up in the morning and get hit with a load of grief all at once when I remember she is gone anymore.

But I still miss her. A lot. And it still hurts. A lot.

I watched the video we made for her funeral again this morning and had some good cleansing cries.

Today I'm feeling angry. Maybe it's hormones or the fact that I'm not feeling well or my overwhelming schedule all mixed in with still grieving. But I think people should stay away from me today. Well, people that might tick me off anyway...:-O

I can't believe it's been 6 months. That's almost as long as we had her after the cancer diagnosis. It's just all so surreal. I looked at my blog post for April 13th last year and mom was dealing with the side effects of her 2nd dose of chemo. We didn't know that in 4 days she would be in the hospital so near death. But it's probably good that we can't see into the future.

I have no new insights today. I just miss my mom. 6 months of my life has passed without her in it. There has been good and there has been bad and I don't have her to talk to about any of it. And today, I guess I'm just mad about that.

I guess the one thing I know is that I've survived 6 months without my mom. I can keep surviving. But I miss her. I just still miss her so much.

In case any of you wanted to see the video again today...here's the YouTube link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxfhCYkL8PA