One Year

One year of blog posts.

Last year I found myself on the kitchen floor in a heap of tears as I heard my mom had cancer.

This year I started the day at the cemetery having a long conversation with my mom.

It has been a very, very long year.

I have cried more in the past year than I have probably ever cried in a year.

I have lost more than I have ever lost before.

And I have grown more than ever before as well.

There are many more milestones coming up. This was the first this Spring.

I made it through this one. I will make it through the rest.

But on every one, I will miss my mom...terribly. Like I miss her today.

Today I ran my fingers over the letters in her name etched on a slab of granite.

It still didn't seem real.

As of today, I feel I can say that I've survived the hardest year of my life.

I have learned a lot about who I am and what I can do.

But a part of me is still broken. And likely will be for some time.

But it is Spring.

The days are longer.

The sun shines more.

The birds are chirping.

The flowers are blooming.

It is a time of new beginning.

Last year was a terrifying Spring, but it was the dawn of a new beginning too.

I just didn't understand it.

I have quoted a lot of different people in this blog...

It seems appropriate on this one anniversary to quote Jon Bon Jovi.

Mom would be laughing.

But he sang this to me on the way home today.

And it's exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks Jon... ;-)

"If you feel alone, and lost and need a friend
Remember every new beginning, is some beginning's end
Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life, you made it this far
Welcome, you gotta believe
That right here right now, you're exactly where you're supposed to be
Welcome, to wherever you are"

This IS my life. And I have made it this far. And this is where I am...I guess I need to welcome it.

So...Welcome Spring. Let's see what you have in store for me this year.