Another unexpected first

In some ways it's almost funny when something pops up and I realize it's the "first whatever" since my mom died.

Today, it's the first time I've been sick without my mom. I've managed to stay healthy throughout most of the year which is pretty impressive considering the stress I've been under. It's amazing my immune system has held up as well as it has.

I suppose I'm due for a cold. And it's really just a cold. But I feel run down and tired and vulnerable and really miss not having my mom to commiserate with.

Whenever I used to get sick, I'd call my mom and talk to "nurse Nancy". No one takes care of you like your mom does when you're sick.

I'll never forget one night that I was spending at mom and dad's. I was 21 and had been out drinking and over did it. I showed up at their door and said, "Mom, I'm drunk." Mom brought me in and put me to bed. In the morning, she brought me water and chicken soup to help with my hangover. It still makes me laugh. Only a mom could love their child through a hangover like that.

She always knew when I wasn't feeling well. She could see it in my eyes. She knew when I was pregnant both times. She could see that in my eyes too. That, too, is something only a mom could do.

I haven't lived with my mom for 21 years. But she could still make me feel better over the phone when I was sick. I'm missing that a lot today. And it snuck up on me. This is one of those things that just pops up out of nowhere and hits me unexpectedly.

No one takes care of you like a mom does. I'll never have that again. And I'm admittedly tired and emotional today, but the reality of that sinking in makes me incredibly sad.