Mom will have her stomach drained at 2:15pm at the hospital tomorrow. I will go up to join mom and dad. Dad doesn't want to go back for the procedure and I don't want mom to be alone so I've promised I'll always be there.
We're trying to make sure that one of the liters gets tested again so we can find out the status of the cancer cells...even though it seems kind of obvious right now. But specifics are often necessary for the brain to comprehend a situation like this.
I feel as though I have been thrown backwards into the world I knew so well 3 & 1/2 months ago. I didn't like it there though and I wish I didn't have to go back. Even though I always knew that someday I would. My stress level is high. The tears are falling again. And the fear is sometimes debilitating. But I fight through it because I have to. I can hear the sadness and fear in mom and dad's voices. I have to be the strong one now and throughout all this I have learned how strong I can be.
The boys and I just finished a week of Daycations. I had some time in between clients and decided to use it. We had so much fun and did little things that they will remember as they grow up. I agonized over the money I spent...probably shouldn't have spent it. But right now I believe every penny was money well spent. We all needed that week. I think we'll all hang on to it for a while. At least I know I will. That week was a gift and I am grateful for it. It helped relax my body and prepare me for the fight that is to come.
Please keep your thoughts and prayers coming. I'm hoping some of you are still out there reading since I was taking so much time off from blogging as there were no real updates.
I expect I'll be updating on a more daily basis again now.
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